Angelique had never really known her father. He had deserted her mother for his homosexual lover when Angelique was just a toddler. But it often pained her when she saw other children?s fathers at their birthday parties or picking them up after school.
"Why doesn't my daddy ever come to see me?" she asked her mother.
Her mother looked down at her sadly and said, "I don't know, honey.
According to Jesus, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you, you know."
Nevertheless, the situation caused heartache for both mother and daughter.
When Angelique was nine, her mother went to visit a friend in another
state. As they drove through the countryside, Angelique's mother talked
about her friend, Donna. "Aunt Donna grew up in a broken home, too," she
said. "She never knew her daddy either. So I'm sure she would
understand how you feel, Angelique. You can talk about it with Aunt
Donna."
The day after they arrived, Donna took Angelique out for breakfast.
As she looked across the table, she felt a kinship with the sad-faced
freckled little girl. She listened attentively as Angelique poured out
her thoughts and feelings.
"Nobody seems to understand how much I wish I had a daddy to take me places,"
she said. "I try not to get angry at my daddy. But just this morning I
felt really bad toward him because he has never come to see me or sent
me presents."
"I understand that myself," Donna sympathized. "I went through the same thing."
"Well, I knelt by my bed," Angelique continued, ?and did what Mama
told me to do. I prayed to Jesus and I forgave my daddy. And it made me
feel better."
Donna was quiet for a moment, remembering the battle she had had
with pain and forgiveness. Not only had she needed to forgive her father
for deserting her, but she also had had the even harder task of
forgiving her mother for the awful physical and emotional abuse the
latter had put her through while she was growing up.
Then Donna said gently. "One thing you must realize, Angelique: These feelings will pop up again at certain times in your life - like
when you graduate from high school and your father is not there?when
you get married and he doesn't give you away, and even when you are my
age and you watch your children having fun with their daddy such as you
never had. At such times you will again have to look to Jesus and forgive your daddy.
For the Lord Jesus can help you forgive again and again, and He can
take the pain out of your heart, even as He has done for me."
Donna realized that Angelique wouldn't fully understand what she was
saying until those unhappy feelings about her father?s absence assailed
her on future days. But she knew from Angelique?s attentiveness that
she would remember what was said and would be able to deal with the
situation when it arose again.
Feelings and forgiveness
Often when we have dealt Scripturally with bad feelings that have
been aroused by a certain situation, we like to believe that we will not
suffer them again. In some cases, we don't. But, as human beings, we may experience situations in our lives that stir up painful feelings about certain persons or events.
Those feelings in themselves are not sinful. But if we respond to them
with unremitting anger and hostility, they can rob us of fellowship with
the Lord, His peace and joy, and abundant life. Psalm 37:1 advises us
not to fret because of evildoers (Psalm 37:1). We mustn't dwell on the grief others have caused us. Instead, we are to seek the Lord's help, and forgive again.
Samuel Johnson said, "A wise man will make haste to forgive, because
he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in
unnecessary pain." (The Rambler).
Painful feelings may involve a missing or abusive parent, an errant
or abusive mate, an ungrateful, uncaring child, or even something wrong
that we did in the past. As an example of the latter, some women I have
counseled have told me of their guilt and self-accusation concerning
abortions or the breakup of their marriages that have haunted them for
years. Even though they had asked the Lord's forgiveness, they had not
been able to forgive themselves, until they realized the depth and
reality of God?s forgiveness.
According to the psalmist, God has removed our transgressions from us as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). Forgiveness is a key remedy for relief from painful feelings.
If those feelings are caused by another person, we are wise to follow
Jesus. advice when He said we are to forgive those who sin against us a
limitless number of times, "until seventy times seven' (Matthew 18:22).
Two ways to go
Jesus gave us this teaching perhaps as much as for our sakes as for those we forgive. How can we enjoy His love, peace, and joy if we harbor wrath, malice, anger, bitterness and hostility toward someone else,
or speak slanderously of that person. According to Ephesians 4:30-31,
we grieve the Holy Spirit when we do that. And the Spirit is the source
of love, peace, and joy (Galatians 5:22). The proper response is given
in Ephesians 4:32 "being kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving, even as God
for Christ' sake forgives us." How can we do that?
The Son of God knew all things; so He also told us to love our
enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44). According to
Roget's Thesaurus, 'persecute' means to molest, wrong, or 'torment' 'to
annoy or disturb with hostile intent or injurious effect.'
When I've found it hard to love someone who has hurt me, I hold that person up in my hand to the Lord and ask His help.
As I pray for that person I realize what a miserable person he/she must
be to cause others pain. This gives me sympathy for that person, and
the love of God fills in the rest.
Bitterness and anger at God and others because of past experiences
cause many people misery for years. Such hurtful feelings can mar their
lives and those of others close to them. How sad that they have thus
wasted their lives on self-pity! The best way we can reject bitter
thoughts and feelings is through forgiveness. "Make every effort to live
in peace..See to it that, no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and
defile many" (Hebrews 12:14-15). Wise Christians put their trust in the love and power of God
and reject bitterness and self-pity. Like little Angelique, they have
in childlike faith forgiven those who have hurt them. Like Donna, they
continue to forgive whenever hurt feelings rise again, and turn their
thoughts to better things. In so doing they have achieved Christ's
abundant life in spite of whatever has happened in their lives. And they
enjoy the peace of God that passes all understanding.
